Avengers: Age of Ultron is bigger and louder than Marvel's previous mash-up of franchises. It also feels longer, but it is actually shorter by a scant 2 minutes.
Ultron begs you to consider the human cost of so much of its CGI-generated mayhem. Concerned heroes played by actors of varying levels of fame usher civilians out of the frame with furrowed brows, most likely so they won't get the fan bashing handed out to actor Henry Cavill and director Zack Snyder's blithely indifferent Man of Steel, where seemingly millions perished in the destruction of, well, pretty much every place Superman visited.
Ultron is better than that. Ultron wants you to consider the flaws of its steely, toned, and paradoxically glib and stoic leads. Captain America/Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) pines for his lost past yet embraces responsibility with square-jawed determination. Iron Man/Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) combats his need to both control and protect the planet with old-style movie star charm. The Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) maintains her poise even as she dredges up memories of her KGB training that look like outtakes from an Alan Parker film. The Hulk/Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) does what he always does: smashes things when hulked out, and then whines about it afterwards to anyone in earshot. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) carries a big hammer, and is useful, when he's not too busy. Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner) mostly stays out of the way and does his job.
The movie itself is basically the tale of an artificial intelligence experiment gone awry. Tony Stark unwittingly unleashes a powerful consciousness into the world by messing around with Loki's pesky alien sceptre, which has had more onscreen time in the last three years than Jeremy Renner. This AI is, for no apparent reason, called Ultron, looks like a renegade from the ghastly Transformers franchise, and speaks with the bemused tones of James Spader, presumably because Alan Tudyk was busy tossing off bemused voice-acting at the animation building next door.
Much globe-trotting follows, involving a sexy (and victimized) Korean geneticist played by Claudia Kim and two sexy (and victimized) twins from the comics, The Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), who are somehow NOT the children of Magneto (nor are they mutants -- the ownership of the X-Men franchise by rival studio Fox prevents mutants from existing in this "universe"). Other characters from various and sundry Marvels occasionally drop in to let us know they'll be around if you want to, you know, catch their show on ABC. Whether they are sexy (and/or victimized) I leave to you.
Everything ends up with the world once again in danger, this time from Ultron's scheme to wipe out humanity with a simulated meteor strike. Stark's hubris is to create an immortal machine with such capabilities, yet also without the patience to simply wait for man to hurry up his own imminent demise through unfettered global climate change. Just wait it out, Ultron; we'll catch up.
All this hoopla has been ring-mastered by every geek's favorite pop culture guru, the estimable Joss Whedon, who by this time can probably do this kind of movie star wrangling in his sleep, which seems to be how much of the script was written.
Clunking cliches abound, even in the down-time-from-saving-the-world scenes (easily the saving grace of the last Avengers movie). Been awhile since you've heard the hilarious COUGHisaidsomething gag? Sure, it was officially eulogized in Bring It On, but that was only fifteen years ago, so we dusted that off for you! Been too long since you've heard one character angrily tell another to "DO THE MATH!"? Your prayers have been heard and answered.
Danny Elfman allegedly wrote the score that's been shellacked over the quick-cut editing (doesn't keep the movie from being unnecessarily long at 141 minutes), but at this point why bother hiring a composer? Modern blockbusters have been tricked by Team Zimmer into treating every event picture as a room that must be wallpapered as quickly and blandly as possible. Am I the only moviegoer out there who misses the thrill of John Williams working on all thrusters? I can't imagine Raiders of the Lost Ark without that iconic march, but a quick thumbing through any of the Marvel scores fails to conjure up any synonymous images (though I like much of Patrick Doyle's score for the first Thor, and that Alan Menken/David Zippel song in Captain America: The First Avenger is pretty neat).
The film is not without its own charms, but they are nearly surpassed by the pre-digested action going on around them. Even the post-film/pre-credits teaser scene offers nothing new if you've seen any of the half dozen or so prior Marvel films. As yet another CGI landscape erupted into wanton destruction, I found myself thinking I should probably get an AppleWatch so I'd have something to look at at times like this. I don't want an AppleWatch. I want my popcorn movies to be entertaining and surprising, and that's the biggest let-down for Avengers: Age of Ultron.
